Welcome to the Internet

Welcome to the Internet! Have a look around
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found
任何你的大脑能想出来的这里已经有了
We've got mountains of content—some better, some worse
我们有成山的内容——虽然良莠不齐
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first
一点都不感兴趣的人我还没见过呢
Welcome to the Internet! Come and take a seat
欢迎来到互联网！请尽快入座
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?
你是想看新闻还是女明星的脚？
There's no need to panic; this isn't a test, haha
请不要慌；这又不是考试，哈哈
Just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest
你只用点头或者摇头，剩下的我们帮你办妥
Welcome to thе Internet! What would you prefеr?
欢迎来到互联网！你倾向于什么呢？
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
你比较喜欢争取民权还是发种族主义蔑称呢？
Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!
开心吧！饥渴吧！怒火中烧吧！
We've got a million different ways to engage
我们有无数种不同的方法让你参与其中
Welcome to the Internet! Put your cares aside
欢迎来到互联网！你无需顾忌
Here's a tip for straining pasta; here's a nine-year-old who died
你能学到滤干意面的小贴士；对了，这个九岁小孩死了
We've got movies and doctors and fantasy sports
我们有电影和医生和梦幻球赛
And a bunch of colored-pencil drawings of all the different characters in Harry Potter ****ing each other
还有一大堆哈利波特里的所有角色为爱鼓掌的彩铅画
Welcome to the Internet! Hold on to your socks
欢迎来到互联网！小心别吓得袜子都飞掉
'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his ****
因为这个陌生男人刚才慷慨地给你发了几张他的迪克照
They are grainy and off-putting; he just sent you more
照片画质感人令人作呕；他刚刚又发了几张
Don't act surprised—you know you like it, you whore
干嘛那么惊讶——可别装清纯了你这绿茶
See a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrink
观赏斩首，深感冒犯，看心理医生去
Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think
给我们看看你的孩子，告诉我们你的每一个想法
Start a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomer
造个谣呀，买把扫帚呀，或给一个中老年人发个死亡威胁呀
Or DM a girl and groom her; do a Zoom or find a tumor in your—
要不然私信一个未成年女孩诱骗她；开个视频会议或发现你原来有颗肿瘤——
Here's a healthy breakfast option, you should kill your mom
教你一道健康早餐，对了你该杀了你的妈妈
Here's why women never **** you, here's how you can build a bomb
这是没有女人愿意艹你的原因，这是手工炸弹的做法
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz
做做看这个小测试，看看你是哪个超能战士？
Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids
奥巴马派了移民来给你的孩子打疫苗
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
我能不能让你一直被一切吸引？
A little bit of everything all of the time
一直来一点一切
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
冷漠是悲剧，无聊是罪孽
Anything and everything all of the time
一直给你一切万物
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
我能不能让你一直被一切吸引？
A little bit of everything all of the time
一直来一点一切
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
冷漠是悲剧，无聊是罪孽
Anything and everything all of the time
一直给你一切万物
You know, it wasn't always like this
其实这里以前不是这样的
Not very long ago, just before your time
并非很久以前，离你诞生没多久
Right before the towers fell, circa '99
就在双子塔倒塌前，99年前后
This was catalogs, travel blogs, a chatroom or two
这里曾经是商品目录，旅游博客，一两个聊天室
We set our sights and spent our nights waiting for you!
我们定好目标全心全意等待着你！
You, insatiable you
你啊，贪得无厌的你啊
Mommy let you use her iPad; you were barely two
妈妈让你用她的iPad；那时你都不到两岁
And it did all the things we designed it to do
我们的设计让它完美地发挥功能
Now, look at you! Oh, look at you!
瞧瞧你现在！噢，看看你变成什么样了！
You, you! Unstoppable, watchable
你啊，你啊！不可遏止，供人观赏
Your time is now, your inside's out, honey, how you grew
这是你的时代，你的内心都暴露在外，宝贝你长得可真快
And if we stick together, who knows what we'll do?
只要我们团结起来，谁知道我们能实现什么呢？
It was always the plan to put the world in your hand
我们一直都计划着把整个世界放在你的手心
(*Laughing hysterically*)
（狂笑）
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
我能不能让你一直被一切吸引？
A bit of everything all of the time
一直一点一切
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
冷漠是悲剧，无聊是罪孽
Anything and everything all of the time
一直给你一切万物
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
我能不能让你一直被一切吸引？
A little bit of everything all of the time
一直来一点一切
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
冷漠是悲剧，无聊是罪孽
Anything and everything and anything and everything
一切万物所有全部
And anything and everything and
一切万物
All of the time
一直下去